Dog Grooming is Big; Cat Grooming Not so Much

I first heard of dog grooming years ago.

A former girlfriend mentioned she was going to go to Dog Grooming School. I vaguely seem to remember me making several rude remarks and a couple of really good jokes. Everything after that is kind of hazy and once I woke up, she was gone and I realized, unlike our relationship, dog grooming is a serious business. Cat grooming, well, we’ll talk about that too.

Dogs Dig It; Cats, Not so Much

Have you ever given a dog a bath? Most of us have and though not all dogs love it, they will endure it with some smidgen of dignity. If I asked about giving a cat a bath, well, you would no longer be with us to answer that if you had. A lot of dogs really enjoy the grooming process and why not? I mean, come on, if someone offered to take me to the spa where they will bath me, cut my nails and hair, and get me smelling all fancy and stuff, I’d be all for it. Now don’t get the wrong idea here, I’m a man’s man, but anyone who has had a spa day will attest: a little pampering is good for the soul. Cats would rather lick themselves.

Dogs Need It; Cats, Not so Much

Dogs, especially ones with long hair, can get to be a mess. What with all the dog duties they have like rolling in the dirt, rolling on the carpet, rolling on your bed right after rolling in the dirt, they can get quite disheveled. The best way to get them sheveled, (I know that’s not a word but work with me here) is to take them to a dog groomer. Dog groomers can work magic on a dog cleansing both their insides and outsides. I’m sure I read that on one of their sites, but just like at that spa you went to, they will feel better about themselves as well. Cats would rather lick themselves.

You Need It; Cats, Not so much

As I mentioned, dogs like to roll on your bed. They also like to roll on you, especially when you’re wearing something special like a cashmere suit. Now I don’t know anyone who actually has a cashmere suit; but if I did, I would bet they wouldn’t want a dirty dog rolling on them. Having your dog groomed keeps everything from becoming a mess and makes everyone happy. Having your cat groomed, well, cats would rather lick themselves.

Now I Believe; Cats Not so Much

Okay, before I get in too much trouble again I decided to use my crack research team (Google) and look up Cat Grooming. As it turns out there are several outfits right in my neighborhood that are brave enough to offer cat grooming; who would have thunk it? Their prices range from $15 for a simple bath and brush to over one million dollars to groom my family’s cat; that is, if they really knew what they were getting into.

I’ve held that cat just a little too long once and you should see the damage she did to me. I can’t imagine what would happen at bath time with someone she doesn’t even pretend to love. The closest cat groomer to me states on their website that they are no longer accepting any new cats at this time. I’m wondering if it’s because they are so busy, so scared, or if as I originally thought: cats would rather lick themselves.

Meet the Author: Michael Ryan

Michael Ryan is a full-time musician along with a humor, travel and outdoor recreation columnist. He's also an avid skier and golfer and has traveled extensively around the U.S, the Caribbean and Europe. His musical career takes him all over the U.S. and his wife drags him everywhere else. His weekly columns “The Life of Ryan” ran in the Transcript and Sentinel newspaper chain for several years and have been featured in the Denver Post, Rocky Mountain News and Mile High Magazine. He is the co-founder, editor and humor columnist for and currently resides in Morrison, Colorado.

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